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Ten Fictional Women Who Make It Difficult To Date Real Women
It's not my fault that I'm single. It's Natalie Portman's.The first time I saw the movie Garden State I left disappointed. Not because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and not because that Shins song failed to change my life (as promised), but because it made me come to grips with the fact that I didn't have any Natalie Portmans in my life. And Natalie Portmans are damn hard to come by.Hollywood has a tendency to create female characters who make it nearly impossible to ever be truly satisfied with real women. Because not only do these women tend to be beyond beautiful on the outside, but they're always unbelievable on the inside too. They're cool. They're fun. They always know what to say. And they always have that one little thing that makes you fall in love with them. Maybe it's because they usually have guys writing their lines and making them perfect, but either way they're a tough act to follow. Here are ten women who make it difficult to date real women. Whether they meant to or not.  Sam, Garden StateEvery man on the planet who wasn't a Star Wars geek and therefore wasn't already in love with Natalie Portman when Garden State came out in 2004 fell in love with her within 5 minutes of seeing her on screen. Adorable, optimistic, and just quirkly enough without being too quirky (and by association, annoying), Sam took care of Zach Braff because he needed her to. But at the same time, it's obvious that she needs to be taken care of too. It's that dichotomy of her motherly instincts and her vulnerability that makes a guy want to stick around a girl like Sam. Even if she does have to wear a helmet sometimes. Danielle, The Girl Next DoorOk, so she was an ex-porn star-- but she was an ex-porn star with a heart of gold! Despite the fact that a guy knows he'd have to spend the rest of his life alongside a woman who effed on camera, we'd still kill for a girl like Danielle. Why? Because she fell for the dork. She made him a better person. And oh yeah, she was sexy to boot. Whoever wrote that movie knew exactly what they were doing when they had Elisha messing with her future bf throughout the first act. We're okay with making fools of ourselves as long as you're laughing with us, not at us. We secretly love that stuff. Mary Jensen, There's Something About MaryOk, this one wasn't fair. When the Farrelly brothers were writing TSAM, they set out to create the perfect female. The beautiful-but-down-to-Earth girl with the great job who likes watching football, hitting golf balls, helping the less fortunate and who just wants to be with a nice guy. Casting Cameron Diaz (before she was annoying) was the final nail in the coffin. A friend of mine told me that after seeing this movie in high school with his girlfriend, she burst into tears on the car ride home. Her reason: She'd never be able to be like Mary. That's why I almost feel bad including her on this list. Let's just move on.
 Ali Mills, The Karate KidShe's the one on the right.Even though Daniel-son nearly got murdered for talking to her, Ali ("with an I") was certainly worth fighting for. Just like Danielle in The Girl Next Door, Ali fell for a loser and automatically endeared herself to every dorky guy watching. It was upsetting seeing Daniel move on so quickly in Karate Kid II, but I guess you can't expect the reigning All-Valley Karate Tournament Champion to settle down. I mean, he was All-Valley! That's like, the entire valley! No wonder he left her. Every female who's ever been on EntourageAlright, I'll admit it: this one is more physical than anything else. But have you noticed that every single woman who gets within 30 feet of Vinnie Chase is absolutely perfect? Everyone from Sloan to Sloan's 3-some friend to the blonde girl in Aspen who hooked up with Johnny Drama and Turtle: they're all gorgeous, and, surprisingly cool. Throw in Samaire Armstrong, Vanessa Angel, Mandy Moore and dozens of other nameless girlfriends and cohorts and you have 4 guys living the perfect life. Guys don't watch Entourage to see the house. Jane Weston, Outside ProvidenceWho wouldn't want to smoke pot and hang around with Amy Smart all day? You show me man who says he wouldn't, and I'll show you a terrorist. And then I'll call the police and report him because I just don't trust those people Marta #1, Arrested DevelopmentOn a show full of screw ups and idiots, Marta was the one person who was actually likeable. She was so great, you rooted for her to dump GOB and get with his brother Michael. There aren't many women who are amazing enough to make you want her to leave somebody and get with his brother, but she was. I blame Arrested Development's eventual cancellation on the decision to replace the original with a less attractive actress. Inexcusable.
Lucy Diamond Dawson, I Am SamOh come on, like you weren't thinking it. Terry Griffith, Just One Of The GuysSmart? Check. Talented? Check. Incredible breasts that are revealed during the climatic prom scene? Check and check. Even though she spent the majority of Just One Of The Guys looking like and acting like a dude, it was hard not to fall for Terry. She was a take-charge chick who was determined to be taken seriously, and that determination was incredibly attractive. Plus, every guy on the planet wants his best friend to someday reveal that he's actually a woman and he's madly in love with him. Um... right? Right? This is awkward. Beth Wagner, Road TripShe's the aggressor, she's up for videotaping sexcapades and she's willing to call in a bomb threat to help her man out: that's our kind of woman. And also, she's Amy Smart. That helps too.
You see, the thing Beth has in common with the rest of the characters on this list is the fact that she's accessible but shouldn't be. She falls for the dorky guy when she should be going for the football players. She's funny, she's sexy, she's warmhearted, she's a good person and above all-- she's available.
Thanks for all the Beth Wagners, Hollywood. You're making this way harder than it should be.
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